she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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