Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
