I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
