At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
