help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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