What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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