I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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