why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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