It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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