I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
