and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
