I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
