He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
His nipple licking is glorious
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