Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
