Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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