I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
