So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
