Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
