What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
