when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
