What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
