you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
