do herpes really smell.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
