did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
