just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
two words: eviction party
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
