turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
