Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
