you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
