Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
