Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
