How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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