Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
