so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
