i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
