I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
