Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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