Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
there is glitter all over my balls
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
