She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
