Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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