My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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