from now on my penis is your penis
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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