Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
