So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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