just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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