made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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