I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Randomize
