Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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