Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
