dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
