Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
