I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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