just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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