I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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