How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
