i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
