she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
